The Lord Mayor's Show

At 9.30AM on Saturday 8th November the intrepid musketeers in the form of Athos (our Master John Rushton), Porthos ‘the strong’ (Derek Ross), and Aramis (our Senior Warden Chris Dancaster), together with the Gascon (your scribe), began to congregate at the Paint Stainers’ Hall near the Mansion House.  This was in preparation for sallying forth properly accoutred in accompanying the Lord Mayor to his oath-swearing at the Royal Courts of Justice.  A tradition originating in the time of King John who granted the City of London the privilege of selecting its own Lord Mayor.

The present incumbent and 681st Lord Mayor is Alderman Ian Luder a partner in Grant Thornton UK LLP and a prominent member of City institutions.  Lin Luder, the Lady Mayoress, is a double Liveryman in her own right.

The procession was the biggest ever with the result that it was divided into divisions at the start.  Your heroes gathered with the modern livery companies at St Martin’s Le Grand and filtered in with the main procession along Gresham Street, past the Guildhall, and onward via Bank, Cheapside, St Paul’s, and eventually Fleet Street to the Royal Courts.

None of us saw the Lord Mayor or his glorious coach but our faithful retainers (wives, lovers, friends, acquaintances and guests) were entertained splendidly from their vantage point in the Grandstands at St Paul’s.  What we did see was an amazing display of livery finery, ranging from full doublet, hose, and cloak, including clay pipe, of the Tobacco Pipe Makers and Tobacco Blenders, to the egghead and giant HB pencil of the Actuaries.  The reader will no doubt be pleased to learn that your four representatives were equally fine in our familiar livery topped off with wonderful gold and tasselled chapeaux.  But our finery did not end there, the brave and strong Porthos hefted the glorious banner proclaiming: ‘Arbitrators’, throughout the route to the Courts, while Aramis and the Gascon wielded suitably coloured umbrellas in protecting his back and that of our leader and Master. It has to be said that one of our main concerns turned upon the colourfastness of our headgear.  The prospect of returning to our loved-ones with the appearance of too avid an adherence to the produce of the Tobacco Blenders was a worry but gladly an unfounded one, as was witnessed by our beloved Past Master and his two sons who had travelled for the Midlands to support our endeavours.  I have to admit that at times I wished that I had joined a company of scuba and deep sea divers who no doubt would have had formal finery enjoying more waterproof qualities than did ours. 

Fortunately, help was at hand due to the intervention of our canny comrade Aramis who acquired a set of waterproof ponchos.  Once donned they offered some protection from the, by then, torrential rain.  The deluge was so great that we feared the cheering crowds of onlookers would melt away, but astonishingly they were made of sterner stuff.  If anything our return progress was marked by even greater enthusiasm than before.  Whether this was because of the bond so often recorded in our history in times of common adversity, or curiosity to view the ingenious way comrade Porthos had arranged his poncho so as to afford protection as well as displaying his finery, is hard to guess.

So we returned as joyfully as we had set out but soaking wet and utterly insane.  Hooting and whistling at the equally mad crowd who cheered, whistled and hooted back.  Many of the policemen and women on duty had expressions which ‘spoke’ volumes and said: “I am being paid for doing this but how can this bunch of herberts be doing it for fun”.  The truth is that we were, and it was!

Afterwards the Master and Gascon adjourned to where our guests were enjoying a long luncheon at the Plaisterers’ Hall.  Divested of our soaked finery we joined in the entertainments which comprised an excellent comedy juggler and a series of quizzes.  You will be delighted to learn that in the main quizz the ‘Arbitrators’ table secured an outstanding victory over our competitors from the Architects, Needle-makers, Plaisterers, and others. Heartened even further by our success, we then repaired to the Master’s offices to be regaled with a fine buffet meal of such proportions that even the starving Gascon’s prandial needs were satisfied.  Once fed we adjourned to Blackfriars Bridge for a display of fireworks the like of which had not been observed since the premature millennium celebrations in 1999.

All in all a wonderful day of celebration, companionship, and deluge.

Philip Fidler (alias the Gascon)